Just Jared: How to be (Happy) Single

Cuffing season is over, Valentine’s Day was yesterday, and it’s time to write a blog post about all things love.

Around Valentine’s Day, it’s a safe guess that if you’re single, you’re going to experience the woes of not having a romance. You’re going to complain or comment on how Valentine’s Day is very commercialized and geared towards the idea of romantic love. Let’s not get into those feelings this year.

Instead, let’s focus on the people that deserve love in the non-romantic and commercial way. People like your parents, siblings, extended family members, best friends, teachers and mentors, people who stop to greet you and speak to you on your commute, but most importantly, yourself.

I keep seeing the trailer for Rebel Wilson’s new movie “How to be Single.” I also keep seeing the trailer for “Deadpool,” which I recommend everyone over the age of 17 to go see! On “How to be Single’s” trailer, all I see is the main characters going out, partying and looking to hook-up with random people. Yeah, I guess that’s a fun way to define single life, but that is just one dimension.

Single life also involves having a healthy relationship with the most important person in your life: you. It involves being confident in who you are, what you can’t change about yourself, how you can improve yourself without changing the basis of who you are, and what you can do in this life.


NOTE: This does not mean being egotistical and self-centered to the point where you’ve lost the ability to care for others. This means recognizing your self-worth and your strengths so you can send positive vibes and energy to everyone around you.

I’ve been single for almost three years now and this idea of self-worth and strengths has been a struggle for me. I’ve questioned if there was anyone who would accept the love of a skinny, emotionally vulnerable, urban-influenced black man with a taste for the dramatics. I would accept that love, and I will find the answer to that question later.

So what if I look skinny to most people? You’ve never seen me with my shirt off and I pack muscle fast. So what if I’m emotionally vulnerable? That just means I love hard and better than most people. So what if my personality is a bit more urban? That just means I’m hip and when I walk in the building, it’s lit, fam.

In a society that’s trying so hard to tell us what the ideal image is, you have to recognize that there is no such thing. You can work on becoming the best version of yourself, but don’t work so hard that you turn out to be, well, not yourself.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the feelings and desires of being in a romantic relationship if you’re single. I get caught in those feelings myself sometimes. There’s no shame.

We all deserve that one person who will love us unconditionally and stand with us as a partner in this tough world. If you have that person, I’m happy for you.

If you haven’t found that person yet, do not get upset. Embrace yo self and treat yo self!

treat yo self

YOU deserve that this Valentine’s Day!

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” –The Perks of Being a Wallflower

-Jared M. Swain

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