Just Jared: Cuffing Season

*Just Jared is a new opinion column where Jared rants or praises certain aspects of life*

Ladies and Gentleman of Towson University, autumn is coming. Tomorrow marks the first official day of the fall season. Many have anticipated this beautiful time of the year and now it’s finally here (CHECK THE RHYME BRUH!). In some way, summer has been good to us all, but all good things must come to an end.

So thank you summer but…

pocahontas-bye-felicia

It’s time for multi-colored leaves, pumpkin spiced lattes, gingersnaps, sweatshirts, sweaters, leggings, and that beautiful, indescribable smell of fall (I just discovered what this smells like)!

But in addition to the holidays and pastimes the fall season brings, fall also signifies an, for the lack of a better word, interesting time for some people. Specifically single people: Cuffing Season.

For those of you who are unaware of Cuffing Season, please to refer to the Urban Dictionary definition below.

image20150921-15397-1nhuuam

Yes my friends: this is a real thing.

Have you noticed the sudden surge of “in a relationship” posts on Facebook and the number of people holding hands and PDA-ing on campus? Yup, that’s probably because of cuffing season and it’s about to be in full effect.

Now if you and your significant other have been dating prior to mid-September (or even before the school year), no: you two are not a product of cuffing season. But if you two started dating this or last week, chances are you’ve been “cuffed.”

This is nothing to be ashamed of. Let’s be real: relationships are beautiful! And let me be clear: I am not mocking anyone getting into relationships or anyone who is currently in a relationship. That is NOT my intent. I’m just trying to figure out why Cuffing Season is a real thing. Some may argue that it’s not real, but if it’s in the Urban Dictionary, or on Facebook, it’s official (see what I did there?).

This year, however, the epidemic is bigger than ever. Seriously, some people are catching feelings this fall like Odell Beckham Jr. on NFL Sunday.

Oh look! Feelings!
“Oh look! Feelings!”

What is it about the fall that gives people the urge to be intimate? Is it because the weather is getting colder and people just want someone to cuddle with and keep them warm? If that’s the main reason, some of y’all need to buy a bigger coat or a thicker blanket. And if you’re cold and thirsty, a 10 count of hot chocolate mix is just $1.29 at Target. Do you want some marshmallows with that, honey?

Or is there something in that fall smell that’s making us catch feelings? Is that the REAL reason why fall smells so beautiful? Mother Nature and Cupid have conspired to toy with our hearts. Mother Nature: we had this talk before! Play your own position before you try to squad up!

Again, let me remind you I’m not ranting about people who have been “cuffed.” I’m ranting about the season in general.

I will, however, rant about some of the “cuffers.” Why? Because like all seasons, Cuffing Season is temporary. Once late March/early April comes around, some people are uncuffed and cut loose. Bye. Felicia.

seasonal

That’s right! Cuffing season produces the most savages than any other time of the year. If you’re going to cuff someone this season, at least try to keep them locked down during the off-season. How dare you be so quick to release someone to free agency when they were down for the team the entire season?! Why cut your franchise player? These teams ain’t loyal!

cuffing season over

Do you understand my frustration now? Do you now know why I can’t with Cuffing Season?

What is it about this…

tumblr_m91x63WYaD1rszhtyo1_500

…that makes us want this?

tumblr_m1rfv7BbCm1qejx9ko1_500

TELL ME WHY?!

WHY

I’m warning everyone: Cuffing season is upon us. If you are not careful, the fall smell will takeover and you will catch the feelings for someone. Or worse: someone may be trying to cuff you! It’s too late for me. Remember when I said I recently discovered what fall smells like? That was Cuffing Season. But, unlike other savages, if I cuff you, you’re cuffed for good. Let’s build a franchise babe!

-Jared M. Swain

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