Let’s be real: this weather is unbearable. I never thought I’d see the day when I would make a post about the weather, but because of your bitter behavior, I have a few choice words for you, Mother Nature.
Dear Mother Nature: If the air is anything below 30 degrees, you might as well make it snow. There’s no need for pointless, frozen air if you’re not going to make it snow.
Dear Mother Nature: When you do make it snow next time, just bring a bunch of it! To quote SpongeBob’s weatherman: “not a pillow, or a sheet, but a blanket…a blanket of snow.”
Dear Mother Nature: I’m still waiting on our first snow day…
Dear Mother Nature: In regard to my last letter, if you bring that snow day in April, we will have more issues, and you will have a nastier response sent to you immediately.
Dear Mother Nature: Shea butter lotion is costing me $7.43 a week. I just wanted you to know what the cold air is costing me.
Dear Mother Nature: Can you please calm down with the wind? Right now it’s as if I’m getting slapped in the face by a bag of ice. I’m also afraid it’s going to carry me away one day. I’m not that heavy, so it’s possible.
Dear Mother Nature: Why is it when I wake up it is foggy or frostbite cold, and then mid-afternoon it randomly jumps to spring time out of nowhere? I despise having to change out of my thermal sweater because of the amount of sweat gathered from walking to class. Please stick to one season.
Dear Mother Nature: Speaking of seasons, here’s a quick lesson on them: The winter begins in late December. The spring begins in late March. The summer’s time is late June and late September starts autumn. Keep the components of the weather in their respective seasons. The fact that I’m telling you how to do your job speaks to how crappy and out of sync you are.
Dear Mother Nature: Please stop getting me sick when the seasons DO change. I want to enjoy the warmth outside the comfort of my bed.
Dear Mother Nature: When the summer time does arrive, please watch your humidity levels. I’ve been on a good streak of no asthma flare ups, and I do not want it to end. Never having to use my inhaler again would be fantastic!
Bundle up out there, Tigers! Make sure you’re signed up to receive the emergency texts in case of any delays or closings!
Jared M. Swain