5 Ways to Justify No Thanksgiving in England

Studying abroad in England has come with plenty of benefits and deprivations, opening my eyes to the many diverse traditions of the motherland. Sure, I like the British but they’re kinda weird, you guys. And I can deal with them driving on the wrong side of the road, laughing at weird things, and using illegal magic on unsuspecting Muggles but I am still coming to grips with the fact that they do not celebrate Thanksgiving!!! At first I thought it was weird that they don’t celebrate this delicious holiday but it’s all starting to make sense. Here are 5 ways to justify no Thanksgiving in Great Britain. 

1. We Stole the Pilgrimspilgrim-dogs

Okay, so this is the most basic one. The Brits don’t celebrate Thanksgiving because the holiday was created by some whiny, hotshot pilgrims who left England because they didn’t wanna follow a few simple religious rules. Jerks (just trying to take their point of view.) Thanksgiving was actually birthed in NEW England which was (and is) just a cooler more free version of England. OUCH. I’d be bitter too if I were them.

2. No Football (AMERICAN Football)driver_original

Most old-timers will tell you that Thanksgiving is a PR scheme created by the NFL to get more viewers to watch football! I’m like 80% sure that’s not true but either way, what is a Thanksgiving without your traditional Thursday night football games? As you may know, they do not televise American football in England. So even if the British did have Thanksgiving, what would be the point?

friends-thanksgiving-episode3. The Food Stanks 

Another sad truth to this Thanksgiving mystery is that the British simply do not have the culinary firepower to compete with the goodies our American family members will be cooking up on the 28th. In my time here, I’ve noticed that NOTHING is quite as good to eat as it is in America. And on top of that, these goofs don’t even eat pumpkin pie!!!

4. No Black Fridaybfriday

One of the most exciting traditions to go along with Thanksgiving is Black Friday where Americans bundle up and hit the stores for some crowded Christmas deal craziness!!! The only thing is, they don’t celebrate that here. Really?! Thanksgiving without Black Friday is like Christmas without Christmas Eve, or Halloween without Mischief Night, or Monday Night Football without Sunday Night Football! It makes no sense!

merica-05. They Have Less to Be Thankful For 

I’m just kidding, I think England is great! I do miss many things back home though. It makes me appreciate how many great things the U.S. of A. has to offer. I don’t know where to begin, but from the sports to the movies to the food to the music– American is awesome! Now grab a lawn chair, crack open a cold one, and zone out to THIS song and the sweet, sweet feeling of freedom.

-Mike

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