Any college student will tell you that finals week is just about as painful as the bite of a teething infant. The test questions can be as mysterious as that strange ticking noise, making your answers at times, downright irrelevant (like THIS!) But get ready, because here are the 10 stages of finals week… as told by famous Youtube videos! ***Click on the titles to see the videos***
Studying early? NERD! Trying your best is NOT what the young go-hards are doing these days, and getting ready for exams ahead of time is way out of the question. Instead of getting nose-deep into that chemistry book of yours, you’re out on the town YOLOing or doing whatever hip #teens do to fill their time. Finals? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Your sense of neglect right now is at an all-time high. We figure this stage to go up to right about two days before your first exam and this period is filled with dance, dance, and more dance. With dance, of course meaning partying and enjoying the nice weather outdoors (and hey, why not some dance). Enjoy this craziness and excess leading up to finals week because these tests are going to headbutt you right in the chest.
This blog was published on Tuesday (the night before day 1 of exams) so if you haven’t lost your marbles yet….the end is near (not to be taken literally, TU Marble Club). Once you realize exactly how desperately unprepared you are for exam week, your mood is going to make a 180° turn into what we like to call the danger zone. To freak out is normal; just don’t do what this little weirdo did to his poor remote control.
Just an hour ago, all hopes of a finals week victory were depleted. But like the great J. Cole once said: “No more Mr. Nice Guy, hello Mr. Nice Watch”. Being in this stage is like you took one of those super-strengthening mushrooms from the Super Mario games because you have been studying your tail off (PS. Not the same mushrooms that your suitemate Connor has been offering you. Seriously, do not try those!) In your mind you look like a bionic study freak, but really you just look like the awkward guy in this video.
Oh god, you did it… the infamous all-nighter. You’ve never tried one yourself but your friends have told you plenty of rumors and tall tales about this funkadelic, sleep-deprived state. At 3am you tried to unlock your mini-fridge with your room key. This is bad. Sure, you might be feeling loopy and lightheaded, but you did manage to read the heck out of those 9 chapters for your economics class. And besides, these symptoms ain’t nothin’ another bottle of Mountain Dew can’t cure!
This is you taking your test. You might have a lot of information stored up there in the old noggin, but it’s all coming out at the same time like an alphabet soup volcano. You’re mixing Geography with Government with Accounting and all the sudden you’re writing an income statement about earthquake policy in South Africa. You sound dumb and you know it. You can only hope that your professors will take mercy on you, just as the great Mario Lopez does in this video.
You never believed in miracles until now. Just a week ago you were sure that finals week would be the death of you. But you did it; you’re here and you’re alive and everything is beautiful! In your euphoric stupor, you type up an overly inspirational tweet alerting your friends that “no matter the highs or the lows, if you believe in yourself you can conquer anything!!!” Thumbs up for rock n’ roll everybody!
Heaven knows we couldn’t make it through the countdown without a cat video. Your last final is over but meow is not the time for a cat nap. You still have to return your books, finish packing, and say your last goodbyes. Hold your eyes open, little tiger, you’re almost at the tail end of the year.
It’s been three days since your last final and you’ve been checking PeopleSoft like a grade-hungry hockey player… but still nothing. Until that fateful moment when you log in for the 138th time and they’re posted.. and you’re looking at them and you can’t stop looking at them…. Cue the Chipmunk. You Passed!!!!
Today is May 26th. Finals are done and grades are posted and it’s time to do some summer celebrating! But oh no… here it comes….. THE CRASH!
Getting stressed about your finals? On Wednesday May 15th from 11am-2pm come on down to Potomac Lounge in the Union for FREE gel candle making! These fresh and friendly scents will give off just the vibes you need for a calm and relaxing finals experience! Plus, they’re flame-free so you can put them in your on-campus dorm rooms!
-Mike and Ron