Two outs, bottom of the seventh, down one with the bases jacked and you step to the plate. Two out of the six audience members are screaming at the top of their lungs… you don’t hear a thing. This is intramural softball. This is your moment… Just kidding, this never happens; your team isn’t very good. But hey, whose is?! Here are 7 reasons that your intramural team is terrible…
Sweet! You have eight best friends that are all down to play. Only one problem: you need nine to field a full team. No worries though, there’s a girl on IMLeagues that says she has 8 years of varsity soccer experience. Problem solved, right? WRONG! Mia Hamm? More like Mia Scam! This girl couldn’t hit the side of a barn with her shot. And no, this isn’t a cliché, she actually tried.
You don’t need to read the rulebook, you’ve played baseball all your life. Heck, you even umpired your little brother’s game over spring break and you totally proved that one dad wrong on that clutch infield fly rule call. But put that clicker away Jim Joyce, you’re not in Kansas anymore. Intramural rules are a whole new animal. The tallest player needs to pitch? This is bush league!
Like the Hall of Famer Yogi Berra once said, “Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is looking good.” So what, who cares if you don’t match, this isn’t a fashion show! You may be right, Doug from the 3rd floor, but matching uniforms are a sign of communication, and communication… well that’s right behind safety and teamwork.
Seriously, these guys have at least 60 semi-athletic dudes to choose from, and that’s not fair! They can make two teams with all those guys and usually they do. And it certainly doens’t help when they can trash talk like this (WARNING: ADULT CONTENT!). Have fun playing against these guys…
This isn’t 2010 grandpa. You’re 20 now and the college lifestyle isn’t doing you any favors. Toby Keith said it best,you’re not as good as you once were. You’ll know what we’re talking after that RBI triple lands you a spot on the 15 minute DL. Yeah we know what they called you in high school, but those days are long over, “Wheels”.
In the Major Leagues charging the mound and kicking some dirt around are all part of the sport. Not here. If this were twitter we would say “Sportsmanship >>>hashtag”.. We think that’s how it works. In Towson leagues it takes a high average sportsmanship rating to even qualify for the playoffs, so that bang-bang play at first that you violently protested is not helping your team’s cause. But to spit on the ump’s shoes… c’mon man.
We all remember the days when sports were life. Get out of class at three, walk to practice, and call it a day; forget studying! Okay, so maybe that worked in your Honors English 12 class but this is college, guys. Not only do you have studying to do but some of your players may even have night class. Better make sure you have some reserves, suckers.
We hope some of these reasons rang true for you and your team, and as always, good luck this season!
-Mike Rice and Ron Howard