If we’ve learned anything from MTV it’s that Spring Break is the wildest, most crazy time of our young lives. MTV also taught us that fist pumping is cool, it’s okay to date moms, and the easiest way to determine someone’s dateability is to rummage through their room when they’re not around. Eek, so maybe MTV doesn’t know EVERYTHING. With Spring Break merely a day away we’ve thought of a few reasons that maybe you shouldn’t be so excited about this time off. Here’s our sucker free countdown giving you 7 reasons your spring break is just going to be… meh.
1. You’re Broke
Roundtrip plane ticket to South Beach: $800. 6 nights at the (Hotel, Motel) Holiday Inn: $645. That cute bikini on sale at JC Penney: $18. Your current bank account balance: $117.60. Hmm… something doesn’t quite add up here. Most college students simply don’t have cash to book trips to these Spring Break hotspots, and will most likely be spending the break at home watching re-runs of Workaholics. At least those guys are having a good time…
2. It’s Still Cold!
Okay, so whatever, you’re spending break at home. That doesn’t make you any worse than Jessica and her friends. I mean, I heard her mom’s paying for the whole trip. Ugh.. her and her uneven bangs. Oh but yeah, just because you’re home doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time and enjoy the outdoors! Or does it? For some reason we’re midway through March and Maryland is STILL dealing with freezing weather. Don’t kill the messenger but it looks like you may have to spend this Spring Break indoors.
I mean the drinking age in other countries is only 18, right? True but we already told you that you don’t have enough money to take a trip like that. Keep up, guys. Pop culture portrays Spring Break as a time when kids go to the beach, drink, and go crazy. But you can’t do any of that. Well I guess you could ask your neighbor Bradley to buy you stuff but, oh god he’s so weird and he’d probably ask you to hang out in his basement again and there’s NO WAY you have the patience to play Halo with him for 8 hours straight. You’re 19 for goodness sake.
You and your friends were lucky enough to actually book a decent mini-vaca for Spring Break. Everything is packed and your hotel room is reserved. Sunny skies and sandy beaches seem to be in your future. But, oh no wait… he’s coming? The guy that always seems to tag along while adding nothing beneficial to your overall experience. The guy who will be sneakily criticizing the whole trip constantly letting the group know what they could have done better. The guy whose feet smell rather pungent but no one has the heart to tell him. Yup, him! The same guy that tips the waiter 5% because “It’s his job and he was kind of late with the ketchup.” So before you get ready for ONE OF THE BEST WEEKS OF YOUR LIFE, just know that he’ll be there for the whole ride, like he’d ever let you forget it.
5. Work of Any Kind
YES! Finally some much needed time to relax. Well except for that lab report that’s due March 27th for your Biology class. Or that midterm for Film History the day you come back to school. And if it’s not schoolwork it’s real work, because remember you’re still broke. So subtract the time you’ll spend evaluating your hypothesis, watching boring 1920s French New Wave films, and serving the regular’s at Billy’s Chuck Wagon, and yeah, you’ve got plenty of time to relax….
6. Family Time
You know what, staying home for Spring Break is actually sort of a blessing in disguise. You know, your Aunt Betty’s down from Philly and your father and I hardly see you anymore now that you’re a big bad college kid. Oh yeah, that was your mom talking by the way. Family time stinks! Not only is there no one you can relate to but you get to face the gauntlet of questions like “Have you been eating healthy?” “How much sleep do you actually get?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” Times like this may make you ask yourself: “I wonder what Bradley’s doing?”
7. Great Plans, Bad Execution
Oh my god there are, like, SOO many things to do. They have a golf course, a water park, woods for hiking, the spa (LADIES), and ahh there’s so much to do! First off, congrats, you’ve made it out of the house in this scenario. But second off, chill out, because there is NO WAY you’re going to do even half of these things! Spring Break is supposed to be, well, a break. There’s nothing wrong with having high hopes but let’s be real.
-Mike Wazowski and RonJon (Surf Shop Owner)