Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg. Lebron James. Besides excellent ball-handling skills, what do these three men have in common? If you guessed that they all are millionaires (or billionaires) who did not finish college you are correct! It’s people like this that make us wonder if all the long hours and hard work in college are really worth it. With the help of the internet I’ve compiled a list of tips geared to help students achieve a 4.0… and then I revised it. Here are 7 tips to help students maintain a 2.0 (C average) this semester. Because let’s face it: school is hard and simply graduating will already put us one step ahead of these hot shot billionaires.
4.0- Don’t Cut Class
2.0- Don’t Cut Anyone in Your Class
Woody Allen once said “80% of success is just showing up” but Woody Allen is old and we all know old people are lame. Going to every class is a pretty big waste of time and can get in the way of important activities like naps and video games. Instead, with the classes that you do attend, just make sure you keep your hands to yourself. It’s the law for goodness sake!
4.0- Make Use of Professors’ Office Hours
2.0- Watch Hours of “The Office” with Your Professors
This is one of the most underrated and underused tips on the list. While attending office hours could possibly help you, there’s no better way to get on a professor’s good side then to catch up on their favorite sitcom. Sure, you might not be learning anything, but is a professor really going to fail their TV watching buddy? I think not.
4.0- Take Advantage of the Library
2.0- Take Advantage of the Nerds in Your Class
On the first day of class sit near the front of the class on the first day near all the overachievers. When homework is assigned simply ask your nerdiest classmate if you can copy their work and if they refuse YOU POUND THAT NERD! With that being said, this is sort of a “high risk-high reward” tip because it will either result in an average grade or a lawsuit. Proceed with caution.
4.0- Make Sure your Professors Know Your Name
2.0- Make Sure You Know Your Professors’ Names
Is it ideal that your professors all know your name? Sure. But when you seldom come to class it can be difficult for them. Instead, make sure you remember THEIR name. This can be achieved a few different ways such as mnemonic memory devices or even by writing it on your hand. If you still don’t remember their name and you do end up going to class just use a general name like ‘sir’, ‘ma’am’, or ‘doc’; just not ‘bro’. Yeah, definitely don’t call your professor bro…
4.0- Try Not to Let Your Notebook Get too Unorganized
2.0- Try Not to Watch ‘The Notebook’ on Nights Before Tests
We’ve all been through it: it’s 9:00 the night before your statistics test, you’re just about to study and everyone’s favorite tearjerker comes on ABC Family. (I hope that wasn’t too weirdly specific). I know, I know, out of all the nights for it to come on it had to be the night before your test. Now I’m not going to tell you that you can’t watch ‘The Notebook’ but if you have it in you, you should probably resist.
4.0- Make Friends With Your Sleep Habits
2.0- Make Friends With Hobbits
I know what you’re thinking: “Where the hay am I going to find a Hobbit!?” You didn’t hear this from me, but what do you think the Glenn Woods are for? Deer? Hobbits are known by many for their unmatched intelligence and would likely be able to assist you with your homework. You should be cool as long as you don’t get involved with any dwarves or wizards.
4.0- Understand Your Textbook Readings
2.0- Understand Your Palm Readings
Textbook readings can undoubtedly be beneficial, but are they really better than a good palm reading? It certainly depends on your ‘reader’ but I’ll go ahead and tell you that the answer is ‘no’. Learning your palm lines and getting in touch with your spirituality will not only help you understand yourself, but they could give you some insight into your coursework… I mean probably not I guess you never know and it sure beats studying.
Now the rest is up to you. Will you be the 2.0 or the 4.0 student? Which tips will you follow? I think you’ll make the right decisions… because who doesn’t wanna be friend with a Hobbit? Welcome back!