The 10 People You See at Cook Library

1. The Avid Fan

The dude behind you didn’t just shriek because he finished all of his notecards, he shrieked because he is watching Walking Dead, and has been doing so for the past four hours. Sure, the library is supposed to be place of quiet study, but do we really care if this guy spends his whole day here catching up on his favorite TV series? No, not really. Except for if he’s taking up a computer. That makes us mad.

2. Chatty Cathy

“Hello? No I’m not in a library, what’s up?” We will never understand why this person feels the need to not only pick up their phone in the library, but carry out a full-length conversation. It really makes us wonder when we will invent a technology that allows people to communicate on their phones without actually talking. Hey, a boy can dream, right?

3. The Bro’s

Let’s give them some credit, these two rabble-rousers came here with all intentions of getting some work done, but c’mon, we all knew that was never going to happen. They’ve been texting and joking around the whole time and keep peeking around the cubicle to make funny faces at each other. These guys should probably stop coming to the library together but they are most likely too frat to care.

4. The Zzzzzz

This girl has been here a while- well you think she has- I mean she’s been asleep since you got here. Her textbook faceplant position gives the impression of some sort of violent pass-out; poor girl. You start to feel bad for her before you are overcome with jealousy when you realize that she’s the one sleeping while you are stuck awake and studying. But then again, what would college be without a regular dose of sleep deprivation?

5. The Muncher

What is this person eating, poprocks?! The noise is unbearable and with each bite this farm animal takes, you can feel your blood slowly turning to magma. You’ve never been so tempted to ask someone to quiet down but is that really who you want to be? All you can do now is take a deep breath, put your headphones in, and zone out. After all, they’re only eating raisins.

6. The Zombie

After seven hours of studying, five chapters read, and forty-eight ounces of caramel macchiato, this kid looks like death- no, worse than death. The bags under their eyes have dropped below their nose-line, their face has taken the hue of Casper the friendly ghost, and I think they- yep, okay they are definitely drooling. You want to ask this person if they are okay but at the same time you’re not sure if what they have is contagious. PS: The Avid Fan would like for everyone to refer to this person by the correct term which is a “walker”.

7. She Doesn’t Even Go Here!

No she does not. You aren’t particularly mad that this person is so old but-well you’re not actually sure why you’re mad at this over-aged library-goer; maybe you’re just really stressed out. Your stress-induced rage might tempt you to yell out something like “Hey Grandma, why don’t you go back to your retirement home?!” Do not do that. Just try to keep your cool and remember that the library is a public place meant to be enjoyed by all people. Even the lady with the dentures.

8. The Shelfie

What in the world is this guy doing? It definitely looks like he’s taking books off the shelf, but that’s not legal, right? Wrong. You may have thought checking out books was just in the movies but it is very real and you can actually do it here at Cook. You might be creeped out because this guy found a hole in the system, but that would be wrong. Instead, be creeped out because for the past twenty minutes he’s been staring at girls through the gaps in the bookshelves.

9. The Machine

Facebook, Twitter, Youtube: DOES NOT COMPUTE. Seriously, check this girl out! She is totally distraction free and somehow she is reading, writing notes, and typing all at the same time. Watching her is actually making you dizzy and for a quick second it looked like she grew a third hand. Don’t get too excited though because she only has ten minutes until her Five-Hour Energy wears off, setting her somewhere in between the likes of The Zombie and The Zzzzzzz.

10. You

So here you are. You have a test tomorrow, but when you think about it, tomorrow isn’t really until… well tomorrow, leaving you with plenty of time to procrastinate. You’re like a pro-procrastinator. That’s pretty funny, you should tweet that. You try to go on Twitter for just a few minutes but are inevitably sucked into the black hole that we students know as the internet. Three hours of fantasy football and Beatles conspiracy videos later, you realize that it’s 2am and you still have not done any studying. All you can do now is pack your things and pray your hardest for a class-canceling hurricane… but really, what are the odds.

Special thanks to Cook Library for being host to our wild and crazy student body. Find out more about our school’s library and make use of their helpful resources here at


For those of you who missed the above “All That” reference click here for a video to refresh your memories!

Thanks for reading 🙂

-Mike T

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