I think Asher Roth said it best: we love college. This is certainly true here at Towson with our stunning campus, diverse student body, and plethora of activities and clubs offering fun. With that being said, college can get quite boring and repetitive, especially once you’ve established a schedule. Here are ten ways Towson could spice up campus life:
1. Upgraded Security Guards
Ever been signed in to a dorm by one of those late-night security guards? Boring, right? I mean those outfits… YUCK. I propose we take a page out of Buckingham Palace’s book and give these guards a little makeover. Picture yourself living in a world where you are greeted in your building by some of these (pictured) red coated, puffy-hat-wearing rascals! Now THAT’S a security guard.
2. Liberal Arts Hide n’ Seek
Clear the building, lock the doors, count to one-hundred and let the games begin! Can you imagine the possibilities of your favorite childhood game meets your favorite building to get lost in? Who would have thought those four floors of unknown twists and turns could one day be your friend? Getting lost on accident was sooo 2011.
3. Redefining Tigerfest
I can’t speak for everyone but I would imagine many students were disappointed when they found out that TIGERfest did not have anything to do with actual TIGERS! WHERE ARE THE TIGERS?!?! In an attempt to improve the event and eliminate false advertising I introduce Tigefest 2.0. This plan reads that ten wild tigers will be unleashed into Unitas Stadium at the start of the concert, adding to the wild and crazy atmosphere that Tigerfest brings. Welcome to the jungle…
4. Saving Baseball and Soccer the Right Way
Does anyone else think it’s completely unfair how they’re ditching baseball and soccer for tennis? It’s like the teams didn’t even have a chance to fight back. I say we settle this how they did it in the old days: a decathlon! If you’ve seen Billy Madison or Old School you know exactly how this works. All three teams will compete in ten categories testing everything from athleticism to pop-culture trivia to academics. The team who wins the most categories gets to stay at Towson. Problem solved.
5. Construction Vehicle Rides
I know what you’ve all been wondering: “Can anything useful come out of all this construction on campus?” To payback students for all of the detours they’ve had to take we can make the answer to that question “YES!” Instead of letting their equipment sit around when they’re not using it, I suggest that Towson let the students take test-drives! It could be paid though, so like one dollar equals thirty minutes with the loader. Seriously, what’s the worst thing that could happen?
6. Make “The Beach” more… Beachy
Another example of false advertising on campus is everyone’s favorite spot on Freedom Square know as “the beach”. It’s grass… I mean, c’mon Towson, let’s give the students what the name promises: an actual beach. I’m talking sand, umbrellas, lifeguards, crabs! Heck, maybe we could make money by charging tourists to come and lay out on our new sandy paradise.
7. East Side-West Side Rivalries
I’m sick and tired of all the community and togetherness we have at Towson. It’s just so…boring. Something needs to happen and the only way I can think of breeding more intensity around campus is an East-West rivalry. Just think of it: West Village residents vs Res Tower, the Towers, and everyone else with Osler Drive marking the boundary. Say goodbye to the days you could see a Pacan and a Scarboroughnian eating lunch together.
8. High Stakes Quiet Floor at Cook
We all know the second floor is the quiet floor but who’s monitoring it? Who’s making sure it’s quiet enough that we can actually call it “the quiet floor”? The answer is no-one! While this is a problem it, will not be difficult to fix with my new, exciting plan. I’m talking “Silent Library” but in real life. Every ten minutes, six students at a time will be selected to go to a back room and play three rounds of Silent Library. The rules are simple: you speak; you leave. You stay quiet; you live to study through another round.
9. More Slides
Nothing ruins a walk to class like walking up and down the stairs. It’s getting a little ridiculous; we’re here to learn, NOT to constantly walk up and down stairs. The only solution for this stair-dilemma is more slides on campus. Imagine finishing up a long lecture and going back to your dorm through use of slide! Mythbusters actually tested it and it is, in fact, impossible to frown while riding down a slide.
10. Halftime Band Battles
Don’t get us wrong, we love our Towson band and the halftime shows that they put on at football games, but let’s be real… it could use some more fighting. What I say is we call Nick Cannon up, bring the opposing teams’ bands to the games, and get down and dirty with a Drumline-esque battle of the bands! It truly is the only thing standing between students and leaving games at halftime
Thanks for the read, leave a comment if you liked it!
I will see you later or I will see you on another time…